Sunday, December 5, 2010

What can Bev/Lucy Riccardo & Princess damage in 1 hour?

This is from a one hour period, only one hour, on 12/5/10, a totalBev/Lucy Ricardo hour:

We went to a party last night with some friends and so today,  I WAS EXTREMELY HUNG OVER.  This hangover won't go away, I'm dizzy, but its my sons birthday, 12/5, and today's birthday party must go on.  So it did, but I've been bumping into things, knocking shit over all day.  Like seriously, the grocery store was "clean up in asile 5" after my ass knocked something off of the shelf.

My husband went to bed about 8:30pm, laughing at me, told me to go to bed before I have another accident.  FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT, I'd like to share with you, what I, Bev/LucyRicardo, have done in the last hour, JUST THE LAST HOUR since he fell asleep. This shit has been going on ALL DAY. I should have listened to my husband.  Instead, boy is he gonna be mad at me at 6am.  I should have listened to him and went to bed.

FIRST,  I went downstairs and decided to straighten the rug under the coffee table. So I lifted up one side of the coffee table and of course, everything, including the glass ash tray went sliding off the other side of the table onto the hardwood floor, shattered, glass everywhere. Why didn't I realize that would happen, what the hell is wrong with me today? So I cleaned it up, more dizzy now....

SECOND, I decided to have a piece of a Bakers Square Cheesecake/french apple thingy that one of the guest had brought to the birthday party earlier today. I'm carrying a piece on a plate and a glass of milk to the frontroom, slipped on the kitchen floor, fell forward, the milk FLEW out of my hand (propelling forward, towards the front door and coat rack) so hard that it made the jingle bells on my front door jingle, from the milk now dripping down them and the door, and my hubby's coat.

I started laughing, he was right, I need to go to bed.  I cleaned up the milk off the walls, the door and his coat.

I put the cake on the side table in the frontroom and I was trying to stay positive, laughing it off, thinking, AT LEAST I SAVED THE LAST PIECE OF CAKE!! Then I went downstairs to fold some clothes, then I remembered the cheesecake, so I came back to get it and another glass of milk.....

THIRD, Upon entering the front room, I immediately see my husbands work boot on the couch, where I had been sitting a few minutes ago. What the hell?
Why would that be there?  No one is downstairs.  Who put it there? Then I noticed my son's wallet is in the shoe as well, and it's wet!

So I start laughing, AH HAAA, I think, my teens are messing with me, so I ask them, they're like "mom, you're crazy today, I don't know, maybe theres a ghost in the house."  So now I'm really, really, confused.

I take out the wallet and notice the Dr. Scholls insole is wet too, so I take it out and my husbands shoe is filled with graham cracker crumbs and cream cheese. AH HAAA! Now I think I know what happened.  I look to the side table, then to my dog, Princess, looking all guilty on the other side of the room.

She must have been eating the cake off of the side table, it was getting closer and closer to the edge of the table, like one of those quarter arcade games. 

First, the moving plate must have pushed the wallet into the shoe, 
then the entire piece of cheesecake fell into his shoe. 
Then, Princess must have brought the shoe onto the couch
to really dig in during the 10 min. or so that I was folding clothes.  
That's why it was all wet.  It was dog slobber in his work boot.
I should have went to bed....

So, I'm at the sink, washing his shoe insole, my son's wallet and the inside of the shoe. I put them in the dish drainer to dry and start laughing hysterically at what he's going to think when he sees this scene tomorrow morning.
Then I turned around and saw his coat hanging, still drying after getting milk all over it, I had forgotten about that freak milk accident1/2 hour earlier and now I'm about to pee myself laughing so hard.

I thought, its been 45 minutes, his coat is going to smell like spoiled milk, his shoe is going to smell like rotten cheesecake tomorrow, he's gonna kill me.  

I'm going to bed now. Yes, this is all true.  I share it with you so you can laugh with me because it won't be as funny tomorrow when I tell him, "Honey, it was 2 freak accidents back to back."  He's gonna say "LUCY!!!"


UPDATE: The next morning. I'm sleeping and my husband calls upstairs, "Honey, why are my shoe and Michael's wallet in the dish drainer?"  So it took me a second and then I remembered it all and started laughing.  So at least I woke up laughing.  

That's life, might as well laugh about it.

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