Tuesday, April 12, 2011

PROM... I could do it all for a buck fifty.

THIS YEAR, PROM IS GOING TO BE AT THE 
JOHN G. SHEDD AQUARIUM IN CHICAGO.

So, my kids told me they each need $250 per couple for Prom tickets. Two hundred and fifty dollars, EACH.  JUST FOR THE TICKETS.  I, NATURALLY, assumed that meant it came with a Beluga Whale. 


NATURALLY!!! 

But NO, thats just to get INTO high school prom. I said, "Do you get to take a Beluga whale home? No? Then this is outrageous!" 


Now I'm the bad guy.


THEY TRIED TO GIVE ME REASONS WHY THIS TICKET PRICE IS REASONABLE.   I heard things like:
"WE'LL BE DANCING ON THE BIG MARBLE FLOOR 
WITH THE FISH TANKS ALL AROUND US." 

(I could put crushed marbles on the gym floor, with goldfish bowls all around instead, WA LAA!)  

"WE'LL BE OVERLOOKING LAKE SHORE DRIVE FOR PROM!"

(I could make a deadly S curve in the school parking lot &
 splash the kids as they drive by, WA LAA!) 

"WE'LL BE IN DOWNTOWN CHICAGO, 
WITH ALL THE SKYSCRAPERS AND SHINING LIGHTS!"

(I would be happy to go up in the rafters of the gym 
and shine flashlights in all their  faces to save $250, WA LAA!)


I don't see the problem. 
I think I could do it all for about a buck fifty.



UPDATE:  Well, I guess I couldn't have done it for a buck fifty after all.  It included transportation there & back, dinner, an all night after party back at the school, and then a pancake breakfast the next morning.  The kids said it was a great night and well worth the price in the end (because they didn't have to pay it).

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Bev/Lucy Ricardo's missing cell phone

April 7, 2011

So my cell phone ran out of service days and minutes 2 weeks ago.  My husband made the mistake of saying to me, "Bev, I don't see why YOU need a cell phone.  YOU'RE JUST A HOUSEWIFE, you have a HOUSE phone and no car anymore."  So he didn't budget in any money for my cell phone.
BIG MISTAKE BUDDY, BIG MISTAKE.  

So day 1 of me having no cell phone hubby says to me, "What time will the kids be home?"  Me, "I have no idea, they can only text from school, so I can't communicate with them for the next 2 weeks."  Then I had to go to the grocery store.  I told him I'd need his cell phone.  He said, "But, what if my work calls?"  I said, "OH WELL, I guess I'll tell them your wife DOES need a cell phone." (in my most sarcastic voice ever).   Then it was the week of the bowling party and no one could contact me on my cell phone, I complained about that.

I continued until he said, "Enough already, how much longer are you going to keep this up?"  I said, "Until your next pay day.  Why? Do you think I need a cell phone now?  But, I'm just a 'HOUSEWIFE'".  He said, laughing, "OK, I'M SORRY, YOU'RE SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT, YOU'RE EVERYTHING, ALRIGHT?  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I'LL NEVER LET YOUR CELL PHONE RUN OUT OF MINUTES EVER AGAIN!"  So we laughed and kissed and made up and last Friday he put money on my phone.  Yeah for me!

Then yesterday, of course, I couldn't find it anywhere.  Why couldn't I lose it during the last two weeks when it was out of service days and minutes and I could have cared less?
After cleaning every inch of my house yesterday and doing ALL the laundry, it was still missing.  People kept calling my house saying they left me messages on my cell phone, which they said was now going right to voice mail.  I thought, thats strange, its fully charged, it should be ringing, telling mama where its at.

So about 10pm, I was putting the last load into the dryer and I heard a loud thump.  Utt Oh.  WELL OF COURSE IT WAS MY FULL CHARGED, FULLY LOADED, SOAKING WET, CELL PHONE!!!    LUCY!!!  I dried it out all night, used a blow dryer this morning, but the screen is burned out, its useless,  I need a new cell phone.

Lorens just laughed at me and said, "Sorry Lucy, this ones on you. Not my fault."  So I started in with all the complaining again of why I must have a cell phone and AFTER ABOUT 10 MINUTES, HE WAS ALREADY CONVINCED.  He said, "OK, ok, you win, you'll get another cell phone TONIGHT, just please STOP!"

So once again, the spirit of Lucy Ricardo was with me yesterday and now tonight I get a new cell phone, thanks Lucy!  And if you left me a message on my cell phone, this is why I don't know about it and why I no longer have your phone numbers.    

Sorry, Love,
Bev/Lucy Ricardo

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Bowling, Drinking, and the need for designated drivers.

Saturday, April 2, 2011:  
So I missed my old friends and wanted to get together with them and also invite some new friends.  I thought, hey, we love bowling, there's a restaurant inside, bar, pool tables, open bowling, etc.  Family friendly fun, drinking is an option but not the main attraction, perfect. So I told all my friends a few weeks ago, show up at the bowling alley Saturday night and we'll all bowl together, it will be great.
But the guy working the counter said unless you want to shell out $480 for the 20 people who said they were coming, in hopes that they'll show up and pay you back, you can't reserve lanes. He put the 10 of us that were there on lanes 1&2.   I asked him to please try and hold lanes 3&4 for an hour till the other 10 people get here.   He said NO.   I guess he wanted to teach me a lesson for not bringing $500 with me to the damn bowling alley.  Instead, he'll just be remembered in my blog as the ASSHOLE COUNTER BOY ON A POWER TRIP THAT WORKS AT A BOWLING ALLEY. 

When the rest of our party got there, he put them on lanes #30&31, on the complete other side of the bowling alley!  What an asshole.  I was ready to move up from pitchers of beer to shots of Patron.

The beers were good, and Patron was chilled and flowing.  It was fun to be out, laughing, drinking, bowling, and most importantly, 
socializing with adults.

(cosmic night bowling had started and 
the black lights make our eyes glow, LOL)

I loved hanging out with old and new friends alike.  
It made me think of a song I learned in Girl Scouts:

                                  Make new friends,                                  
but keep the old,
one is Silver,
and the other's Gold.

I loved that part of the evening.  THE ONLY PART OF THE BOWLING GET TOGETHER I DIDN'T LIKE WAS THE BOWLING PART.  It really got in the way of my drinking and socializing.  I just couldn't spend the time with each person the way I had wanted to, thanks to power trippin counter boy, 1/2 of my friends were practically in another county on lanes 30&31!!  I don't have any pics of those friends, I didn't have a long range camera lens.

After bowling, any plans I had made for further drinking somewhere else or hanging out there shooting pool were out the window.  I had been drinking for 3 hours and was ready for food and bed. THOSE 6 BEERS AND 3 (OR 6) SHOTS OF PATRON from the bowling alley hit me at the BEST burrito place in Chicago, where we've went for 20+ years, LaPalapita on Milwaukee Ave.

My hubby reminded me how I, Bev/LUCY RICARDO, went into the bathroom, locked myself in it on accident.  He was on the other side of the wall in the mens bathroom and heard me laughing so he came and knocked on my door. 


I said, very loudly,  "UMMM, THERE'S SOMEONE IN HERE!"
Hubby said laughing, "YEAH, NO SHIT, ITS MY DRUNK WIFE, OPEN THE DOOR"!
I said (laughing), "Lorens, HELP, its me, I'm stuck, open the door". 
He said, laughing,  "I know its you, you locked the door on the INSIDE, I can't open it from out here.  You're gonna have to work it out by yourself."  


So I finally got the door open, after about a minute, which seemed like 5, looking all scared and relieved, he sees my face and started laughing again, making me laugh too.

Our food wasn't ready yet and I was embarrassed so I went right to the video games and start driving this Hummer through the streets of Vegas on the one game.  I never drink and drive so I had no idea how impaired someone thats been drinking gets until I played that game.  I was up on the sidewalks of the Vegas strip, destroying everything in my path, even running down pedestrians.  Then my hummer was upside down, crashed, GAME OVER.  Hubby was laughing at me, with his 'I told you so' look that I had too much to drink.   I told him this game must just be a lot harder than it looks.  


To show me, no Bev, its not the game, its the alcohol in you, he played the next game on it.  He stayed on the road, went through all the obstacles successfully, got highest score ever, even got to put HIS INITIALS on the license plate!  He said, "See honey, this is why people need designated drivers, EVERYONE SHOULD PLAY THAT GAME BEFORE THEY DRIVE.  IF THEY LOSE, THEY SHOULD CALL A CAB." 


We ate our burritos there.  They were the BEST STEAK BURRITOS I EVER HAD IN MY LIFE (OK, well, the alcohol may of had to do with that too).  


But at the time I felt like I was eating food made in heaven 
by angels, 
with halos, 
playing harps, 
with a choir singing and everything.


Hubby drove home, I slept like a baby all the way, glad that tonight like always, he was my designated driver so I could be his designated drinker. <3