Thursday, May 19, 2011

Oprah shows a mom with grace, and her name is NOT Bev.

So, I was sitting there this morning, watching Oprah, balling my eyes out listening to her talk about the mom with cancer that left the tapes for her daughter & hubby before she died.  Tapes teaching her daughter all the lessons she wouldn't be able to.  That way, her daughter could hear her mothers voice and get words of wisdom at different milestones in her life.

Then they were talking about the tape when she told her daughter to embrace her new step-mom if her dad chooses to move on, which she hoped he would.  Oprah was saying how "gracious" she was to encourage them to move on.  I STARTED CRYING HYSTERICALLY AT THAT POINT.

My hubby said, "God Bev, I agree, her bravery and grace were amazing, this is really sad, but CALM DOWN!  I said, (mumbling through tears), "I, I, I, know, but thats not why I'm so sad.  I, I, I'm sad because I just realized I, I, I, don't have any grace."  As I'm still trying to talk through the tears I say, "Cause I'll, I'll, I'll come back and haunt your ass and your new wife too if you re-marry and have new kids without meeeeee."

He hugged me, laughing, and promised me he would "pine" for me forever.  That should have made me feel better, but it didn't.  Damn it.  Thanks Oprah.  Now I was feeling guilty, thinking maybe I should work on my grace and say its OK for him to move on if I die.

Then he looked at me, all concerned, and as I waited for him to say something lovey-dovey he said "maybe you should take 2 Midol's."  I looked at him with daggers in my eyes (cause how dare he blame my sadness on..... wait a minute, what day is it?  Damn it,  it never even occurred to me, and now it infuriates me even more that he knows the cause of my mood swings better than me), I suddenly stopped crying and didn't feel guilty anymore.  And I thought.....


You miss me?  You miss having a wife?
Watch the damn tapes!
My kids miss me and want motherly advice?
They can watch the damn tapes!
I spent the last months of my life making tapes?

Mother with no grace.

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